Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
