I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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