i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
