Umm I'm too high to move.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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