She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
