Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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