Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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