I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
