I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
