My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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