just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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