Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
