If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think i have two assholes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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