god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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