There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
