I can't breathe out the right side of my face
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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