So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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