So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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