i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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