fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
