remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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