apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
