I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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