He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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