my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
