you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Randomize
