Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My ass is underappreciated
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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