he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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