I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize