two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
