i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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