he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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