don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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