Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
