every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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