She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
