I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
