Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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