Kiss
Puke
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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