I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
