looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
