did you get engaged???
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
