I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
