i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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