he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would ride that face into the sunset
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
