i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We left the knife in your bed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
