You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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