I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
