; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
