Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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