the new term for farting is butt boxing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
