And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
