The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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