It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
