So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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