Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
