That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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