she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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