And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
