Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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