Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
