I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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