he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
is it fun? or sober?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
