You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
