Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
