Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
