'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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