I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
