I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
