Sry I called you an 8
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
