If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
