He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
