She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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