Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How external is "for external use only"?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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